..so shocked after reading xiao yun's blog..dunno y..but then oso feel veri frustrated.

It is not easy to face reality. It is so cruel n heartless. Killings, rapings, crimes, humans' cunny hearts..everything seems so scary, so y do we hv to accpt it? Isnt it gd to be childish n pretend not to know anything? Although there r positive sides of t world, there are negative ones. I still k not n not willingly to accpt it. It is juz 2 difficult. U noe wat..it is always easier to say than done..
I guess tat everyone lie to themselves. I tink i am mature..alrite..i am lying as i am not. I tin i am clever..alrite..t truth is tat i am not. I am a happy gal...alrite..i am not. wat i am? when k i realise myself? It seems myself is more scary than all the crimes. In cartoons, everything is fake. People pass away in comics is all fake. Stories are beautiful n they wil always hv a gd ending, unlike in the reality..

Then i am not good at listening to people. I am not good at how to intereact with others. I never know wat to do is suitable. Others wont tel u but juz judge u in t heart. U never noe wat they tin abt u..n..my fear cums up. Wat if no1 lik me anymore? wat if..no1 care abt if i am dead or alive? wat if they tin i hao lian?..U juz never noe!

Everyday i pass my life blur blur 1. Y? I dun wan be blur, i dun wan others to say me blur as i tin it means stupid!..but..being blur wil allow me to hv a better life? be more fakely happy? Tel them i dun understand n life is easy. No explanation needed n they won tel me things i dun wanna hear..seems to be a wrong concept..but..who k control?

Acting is tiring yet every1 does it..every1 put on their false masks before they wake up daily. The only difference is tat how thick their masks are. Some r so thick tat i wil be totally blinded by their surface behaviour, appearance..If i hv t power to noe wat pp r thinking? will it be better? dun tin so..i tin i will juz go mad as i won be able to bear with it..t most complicated is mind. I believe tat humans are borned to be kind hearted..no..i mean evil.

i have long time ago giving up finding a true friend...No one k be trusted n tats it! I am betrayed be4, not only once. Or it is not called betray. Juz tat i tin she is ur best frien but actually she is not. She dun even care if i cum to schol! she dun even bother to ask n hang down t phone. WEL!!THEN FINE!!! my heart went cold at tat moment n start putting up multi layers of masks. Even when i cry, i dunno if i really wanna cry, or juz cry for t sake of crying? I cry becoz i tin i schould but not t real feeling..is it?..

I dun believe tat any1 k hv any best friend. I juz refuse to trust any1. Maybe i am obstinate, but i WILL NEVER NEVER TRUST OTHERS TOO MUCH!..unless any1 prove to me!

I hate every1 yet i luv them!...confused..veri frustrated.

I dun lik to tok bad things behind others back..n pp wil tin i am nice. Better than those who always tok bad things. However, i guess tis type of person is most scary 1..always kept thing in own heart..

All along, we hv been learning wat teachers, parents teaching us. They tok abt 'wei da' theories, principals, mind set. However..they dun even obey! In t reality, pp teach us not to trust pp 2 much n on t other hand they teach us to be kind. Last time, an old woman is carrying lots luggage in airport. When a young man passed by, she asked for his help n t kind man agreed. However, it was found tat there r drugs n weapons in t luggage later on. The old woman had vanished n t kind man was jailed. Who will believe in him? No one..pp in modern society starts to exploit Kindness. Some pp even pretend to be beggar, monks, or disabled...to beg for money as pp wil pity them.
LIke tat..i wil never help any1 to carry lugguge even if they are really no harm. I will be suspicious when donating money. It is hen xin ku hen xin ku to be suspicious of any1 yet i k not help my find. Those wick thinking juz cum into my find n dun pretend not to c it..

If u dun go out with them..they wil stop. For t 1st time, they ask u if u wanna go out. Then u reject. 2nd time..3rd time..FORGET IT!! they will say..'u wont be able to go one la'..ya lor. I k not go..but so wat! I juz feel my difference between them. I am alone on t bank, n all of them r on t other side..There are shacks in t river n no1 goes through.

There is so called peer pressure..n it really works. Not only in schol, but everywhere. They dun friend u if u dun agree with t majority. They tin u r weird as u dun do wat they do. In t society, there r racial difference...hm..but not 2 clear abt it.

Life is full 0f miseries..n happiness maybe?

CONFUSION GOES WITH UR LIFE AT ALL TIMES!

Juz tat wat i wanna say??????!!!!!!!!!!!!HAIZ...